because it has to be

Plaint

I exist as a platform for cats. Nobody cares whether I can type, click the buttons on my laptop, turn the pages of my book, or even lift the cup of coffee I'm holding to my lips. I am a platform for sleeping or grooming cats. When I get into the damn bathtub and slide myself deep into the scented water, the kitten climbs across my head, curls up on my damp chest, and falls asleep, leaving me afraid to move lest she get dunked and wake up claws-first. And no, I did not make that up. She's done it twice now.

I also exist to be chewed on, apparently.

PS: Husband says that the best word for me is "sap".
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Hee! Because I like you, and want you to like me, I'm not going to elucidate on what I would do to a kitten who disturbed my bath :)
LOL!!!

Mine tends to wake me up with a gentle paw tapping on my face. Of course, if I don't wake up almost instantly and tend to her needs, the claws come out...
Well, yes, of course. As cat owners we exist only to fulfill their every need. You can either resist this (futile, in my experience) or you can embrace it like my mother has, until you're hand-feeding your cat pieces of ham while he crouches on top of the liquor cabinet in the garage (I kid you not, this happened yesterday in my house, because apparently asking that they actually come in before being fed ridiculous amounts of treats is too much to ask now).

Your kitten sounds adorable, btw. Any chance there are pictures available?
This gallery has four shots of her, but they're a month old now. Obviously I have to take more. She's entirely cat-shaped now, not longer sporting that flat kitten-face. She has graduated to dragging my stuffies around the house.

Ah, yes. She just just this second brought me the bean-bag schnauzer to throw.